I haven't been around to posting anything at all, nor have I felt like posting anything either. everday I've been miserable, sometimes I have my mind off the whole break up with my ex but I always seem to come right back around to thinking about it all. Over time I guess, the thing is we were for what ever reason becoming unhappy with each other and I think mostly do to our lack of Effective communication. learning from Health classes I've realized we both didn't have such a strong grasp on our control and ability to understand or try to understand. I still actually really love her, and I miss her so much, the kicker is she does too, just when she's with me she's unhappy so That's a problem.

Also the thing that gets me is if we both do love and miss each other why not just give it another go and just get through that veil of sorrow together, just work things through. We really were close to our ultimate goal, but I guess Thats just what hurts the most thinking about after this break up. Although its strange how we both exactly changed, I changed because I though she was changing and she changed because I was changing, one disturbing loop I'll tell you that. If only I saw through that loop I've created, it all would've worked out, She fell in love with me not the me that I was becoming, Thinking" that I was changing for the better, I thought I was only being caring when I really was being quite whiny and hard headed. I've been coming off as annoying to her lately and do to how much I'm trying to be funny to her once again, to be honest Its just kinda hard to be truly as cheerful as I use to be during this time so I try to push anything out of me, and yes often, after I say the things I do, I get embarrassed and call myself a loser, that's kinda funny in a way I guess, eh no its not.

I must say when I tried to communicate with her I guess I never really went about it the right way, I now know a lot of different communicative skills to have been able to get through to her a lot more efficiently. I guess its already too late now though. Even now I'm not all that perfect but now I stray away from really Blaming anyone, I use to blame a lot or turn the issues into my own story which was pathetic. I actually know she might read this eventually, and this is my way of trying to tell her, I'm willing to give it another try and she knows that. I'm just wondering if she would be ever willing to give it another try as well. Also that I'm always there for her no matter what, and That I really hope we could try it again.

I no longer think highly of this new me, I'm aiming for the old me now. The me that she truly loved..

Anyway I do have some art work done just not ready to be published yet. I hope all of you have a good day, those who read this or not.